The line graph below illustrates the proportion of mobile phone sales by three manufacturers (Motorola, Nokia and Sony Ericsson) between 1994 and 2004.

Mobile Phone Sales Market Share Motorola Nokia Sony Ericsson 1994-2004 - IELTS Writing Task 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

A student's answer to this task, and the feedback on it

Written by an IELTSX user under exam conditions and published unedited and anonymously. Band 8 · 219 words.

The line graph compares three manufacturers of mobile phones, namely Motorola, Nokia, and Sony Ericsson, in terms of the proportion of sales, with all values expressed in percentages from 1994 to 2004.

In general, the proportion of sales of Nokia experienced an upward trajectory throughout the period shown, while the reverse was true for Motorola and Ericsson, albeit at varying rates. Of particular note is Nokia, which outstripped Motorola, thereby emerging as the company with the largest share of sales.

In detail, Motorola had by far the highest percentage of sales in 1994, at around 32%. From this point onwards, this figure plummeted to below 15% in 2000, which was followed by a slight recovery to nearly 19% by the end of the period. With regard to Sony Ericsson, the figure started at about 11% and then reached its highest point at around 15% in 1998. Over the ensuing years, this corresponding level sharply decreased to almost 5% in 2003, before slightly rising to 8% by the close of the timeframe.

In contrast, the figure for Nokia bucked this trend. In the initial phase, this percentage stood at over 20%, after which it gradually declined to nearly 18% before surging to approximately 40% in 2002. In the final year, this share moderately declined, concluding the period at roughly 30%.

Examiner feedback

This is a very strong response that satisfies all criteria for a high band score. It features a clear overview and logical data grouping with sophisticated vocabulary choice and high grammatical precision.

Task Achievement - 8

- The response covers all requirements of the task, including a clear overview of the main trends. - Key features are skillfully selected, highlighting the peak for Nokia and the decline/recovery for Motorola. - All data points are supported by accurate approximate figures as per the line graph.

Coherence & Cohesion - 8

- Paragraphing is logically managed with a clear introduction, overview, and data analysis sections. - Cohesive devices like 'In general', 'Of particular note', 'From this point onwards', and 'In contrast' are used effectively to guide the reader. - Information is sequenced logically, comparing the two declining brands first followed by the rising brand.

Lexical Resource - 8

- A wide resource is used fluently to convey precise meanings (e.g., 'upward trajectory', 'outstripped', 'plummeted', 'ensuing years'). - Skillful use of uncommon items like 'bucked this trend' and 'corresponding level' is evident. - Minor repetition of words like 'percentage' or 'figure' occurs but does not impede communication.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy - 8

- A wide range of structures is used accurately, including participial phrases ('thereby emerging') and complex clauses. - The majority of sentences are error-free, with very high control over tense and punctuation. - Minor instances of repetitive structure ('slightly rising', 'moderately declined') prevent a 9.

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